HOW TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE INTENTIONAL
As you all might know - well, if not, don’t worry, I’m here to tell you ;) - in my unique 12-step coaching program, September is the month where we start creating our dream marriage. If you have no idea what my coaching schedule is, just hop on over to my resource library, you’ll find the monthly calendar pages corresponding to my annual schedule. And of course you'll find many more pretty and useful things like workbooks and other goodies!
Remember, from January to March we get to know ourselves and our bodies, then the next 5 months until August we shift and transform our surroundings and the way we deal with them and then we spend the LAST 4 months of the year nurturing and re-creating our relationships.
You might think that this is quite an egomaniac way of doing things. HAHA.
HERE'S THE REASON WHY I DON'T PUT RELATIONSHIPS AS FIRST CHALLENGES IN MY COACHINGS, EVEN THOUGH I THINK THEY ARE ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN OUR LIVES:
Well, first of all, a relationship always includes another person (I mean, duh! :) ). Another whole set of experiences, thoughts, traits and opinions. Which means that it’s much harder to work on than „just“ yourself.
There’s a lot more talking involved, making compromises, sometimes even having to accept that you do not agree.
That is why it’s so important to first know yourself as best you can. To be able to articulate your dreams and wishes very clearly to that significant other person.
So, marriage, uh? Or even better: LOVE! What an amazing thing: to spend your time loving someone and being loved in return.
But the real thing is: it’s not always like that. Even though we think we spend time with certain people out of love, oftentimes it’s out of habit! There, I said it!
Don’t worry, I blame it on the genes. Thousands of years ago the human race developed an urge to settle down where they were most comfortable. They didn’t want any adventures. They would wander around for as long as they found THE place to be. The place that matched most of their needs. And then they would just stay there and procreate.
Marriage today - totally different. We have developed a lot (thankfully!!). In the first world countries, our feelings and dreams are getting more important because we are being provided with everything we need to survive! And I love that. We are one of the first generations that doesn’t have to fear not to survive (my grandmother’s generation wasn’t quite as comfortable, that’s what I got from all the WWII-stories I was told…*shiver*).
And therefore we don’t need to stay together because it’s necessary for our future, but because we decide to do so. Because we feel great in a marriage or romantic relationship.
And this brings a great deal more responsibilities. We need to work on our relationships. To make them intentional and happy. And we also need to tell our spouses or partners what we need to feel happy.
Before I proceed with the steps it takes, I just wanted to remind you that I made you an 8-page workbook to go through with your husband. You can find it in my resource library OR you can click the following button and get it
So back to our post here...
1. Be honest
So the first step you need to take to create a healthy relationship is to be honest about what it is you really want in life. How you want to feel. And how you want your partner to make you feel.
Yes, I get it. This again might feel quite selfish, but think about this: your partner loves you, and thus wants to make you happy! How is he/she supposed to do that if YOU don't tell him/her what it takes to actually make you happy?
Step number two is even more important. You need to listen closely. To what your spouse wants in life. How he/she wants to feel. And this might be trickier than step number one. Because most people have no idea about what they really want. Encourage them to think about it. And if possible to write it down.
Now ladies, I assure you, most of you will have a hard time convincing your husband about the importance of this step. Remember, they don’t mean to give you a hard time, they just don’t know how to express their feelings that well, let alone putting them into words. Don’t put pressure on them, just give it some time. Make clear that this is for their benefit as well. That you want to do your best to make them happy, too!
And you should emphasize that whatever he tells you stays between you two. Nothing EVER leaves your home, unless you both are ok with it. No chatting with the bestie about this - no matter how bestie he/she is. Your partner is more important in this case.
3. Make a statement
Step number three is the most fun part. Now you write your marriage mission statement. This is a fun way to keep your core values visible. Make it pretty and put it in a frame in your bedroom. If you want some inspiration, take a look at my September goals Pinterest board:
I want to remind you not to forget to talk about intimacy in your marriage. This is a very important part that has a great influence on your feelings. Feeling close and desirable can and should be a huge goal in a marriage! And you should also put this in your marriage mission statement. Even if feels weird to read something like „In this marriage we love passionately“ at the beginning, this will maintain the importance of this goal vivid.
Oh, and of COURSE I made you an 8-page workbook to help you on your way to an intentional marriage! Just sign up and get access to this beautiful workbook AND to other amazing resources to make your life happier! I can't wait to see you on the other side!
Have an incredibly good day!